Springtime!

Today is another gorgeously sunny day. There's a good breeze, so I've been doing laundry and hanging it out on the clothes line. Ralph Jr. strung it up for me a couple of years ago around some oak trees, and strung some lines down low so the girls could help me. We wear aprons with pockets to keep the clothespins in. The birds are singing, we saw goldfinches and red-headed woodpeckers. Toby came to keep us company and sprawled out in the grass, and even Scamper, who had five kittens yesterday, came out to enjoy the sunshine and butterflies.

It's been an interesting spring.

The cold/cough that we all had we think was whooping cough. Nothing much can be done about it, since it's a virus, just lots of fluids and rest. Those of us that had it back in 99 didn't have it for long. The girls, including Kit, had it worst. By worst I mean it stuck around for a good month. Papa ended up getting pneumonia with it, he's on antibiotics and is feeling much better. Didn't make any difference if we were immunized for it or not, everyone has had it now, those that had all their shots and those that didn't.

In the midst of all of this, I had a food allergy test done. Turns out I'm allergic to wheat gluten, dairy, eggs, peanuts, almonds, kidney beans, and garlic. I went cold turkey off of those foods, with a few accidental exceptions, and I felt a lot better within a few days, and MUCH better after a couple of weeks! I'm very excited that it's made such a difference. I've been gardening and cleaning things, I even took over milking the goats for Kit for several days, and I haven't felt wiped out at all! My mind feels clearer, I have a LOT more energy than I've had in years. Praise God!

I'm having to learn some new cooking and menu planning skills, and get over the idea of eating grains for breakfast. Now I have dinner for breakfast. I'm rotating my diet so as not to eat the same thing in four days, that's been kinda hard to keep up with. I'm really thankful that this is something relatively easily dealt with, not like chemotherapy or surgeries or extended hospital stays. I've had to learn how to cook without garlic, praise God it wasn't onions. Not sure I'd know how to cook without onions! I haven't missed kidney beans at all. The gluten and dairy has been a challenge, especially since I've been relying on dairy for quick protein snacks for the hypoglycemia. Now I'm trying to keep straight which nuts I can eat on which days. I've been able to reintroduce duck eggs, that's a nice easy breakfast. Unfortunately, the ducks either quit laying or are laying somewhere else. I've been saving a stash of them in the fridge. They hypoglycemia symptoms seems to be settling down now that I'm not stressing my body out by eating allergens.

Books I've read recently: The Dry Divide, by Ralph Moody; Opal, The Journal of an Understanding Heart, by Opal Whiteley, adapted by Jane Boulton; and The View from Saturday, by E.L. Konigsburg

Recent Yarn Projects

I've been knitting and crocheting this winter. I'm looking forward to getting the sheep sheared and getting more wool to play with!

Here's my newest project.... Socks!!


Here is a poncho I crocheted for Kit, from handspun wool from our sheep:



Sadie liked it so much she wanted one, too (this is the Martha Stewart "Coming Home" pattern, aka "The Prison Poncho"):



And for Kit's baby goat kids, I crocheted three little jackets. Here's one:



Sadie is just enchanted with the Knifty Knitters. She wanted a sweater made from the biggest one (for the bodice) and the littlest one (for the sleeves). It went together a lot faster than I thought it would. It's from two strands, one store-bought, one handspun, from our sheep. I dyed the handspun in purple coolaid to get a nice lavender color. Yes, it smelled like grape for a while. ;)

I thought we were going to make it through the winter without being sick, other than a few runny noses here and there, but no dice. The month of March has been a long trail of kleenex and teabags.

Kit came down with it first, dampening her excitement over 5 new baby goat kids. The rest have gotten it by onesies or twosies. I had it really bad last week and am finally feeling better.

I started going to a new naturopath, and he ran some tests and determined I have Adrenal Exhaustion, which is causing the hypoglycemia and low thyroid, among other things. I don't really know if the adrenal exhaustion comes from diet, genetics or stress. Or all three. I started on supplements for it the day before I got sick with the flu. Yesterday was the first day I felt good, actually. We'll see how it goes!

Frugal Meals for a Large Family, Phase One: Shopping

In my effort to save money, I decided that shopping once a month was more economical. There is gas to take into account, so the fewer trips into town = more $$ for groceries. I took my weekly shopping list, and figured out how much food we go through in a month. Dear son Mark decided to reorganize it by topic, thus the "animal flesh" column.

I've never bought everything on that list at one time. I'll print the list out, and go look in the freezers, the fridge, the cupboards and the pantry shelves and see what's missing, and highlight it. Then I'll wrack my brain to think of those three or four items that have been in my head to get at Costco that I can't remember when I actually have the list in front of me.

I have a full-fridge refrigerator in my kitchen. A normal sized one was just NOT working, with 7 adult-sized stomachs, and 4 small ones. I also have an upright freezer in the garage, and a chest freezer that dh found for really cheap and couldn't pass up. It's supposedly the "meat" freezer, and the other one is the "other stuff" freezer.

I shop at Costco, and the local cheapest grocery store in town, Winco. I also go to a restaurant supply store and drool over their huge cooking pots. Their prices rival Costco's, but they have a different inventory and I can get some things there that Costco doesn't carry. Like a three-bean green bean mix with cranberries. Or a gallon jug of Tabasco sauce. (Ok, I've never bought it, but the kids and I always like to look at it...)

Now, I have never been able to follow a menu very well. So basically, I buy ingredients. I very rarely buy convenience foods. They cost so much more ounce per ounce. We generally eat chicken two times a week, and ground beef two or three times, and roast once. Tuna dinner once a week, and in the winter, several soups. So for example, on the chicken, if we have fried legs for one meal, and two whole roast chickens for Shabbat dinner, I'd need four whole chickens per month if we alternate a red meat roast with chicken every other week. We eat approx 15 pieces of chicken per meal, and they come 3 pieces in a package, with 6 packages in a pack, so 2 packs of drumsticks and 2 packs of thighs (a little extra is fine).

The first time I went shopping for a month, I spent $600. I way over-estimated the olive oil usage, and I had to stop at Winco for fresh produce a few times. But I didn't do a major shopping run again for 6 weeks. The next time I went it was around $300 (Dh stole all my recipts. I'll get them back and see how much I spent).

On occasion, I'll take everyone with me. Usually, I'll just take a couple of strong teens to load it and unload it. I can also give them part of the list and we'll go twice as fast that way. Although, I have to check what they put in the basket, otherwise, I'll end up with suprises.

I keep a lot of staples on hand. I suspect we could eat for several months without going shopping, but it wouldn't be pretty. I have about ten 2 1/2 gallon buckets with different kinds of beans. I also keep wheat on hand, rice, and oatmeal. We buy 50lbs of oatmeal at a time. Grains and beans together make a complete protein, so I know we would not starve. I got the buckets at the bakery dept. at a grocery store. They contained frosting, they gave them to me. They are much easier to handle than a 5 gallon bucket.

Some dried food I keep on hand are raisins, mushrooms, and various fruit. I'll buy a whole box of pears, for example, and when they start getting over-ripe and we aren't eating them fast enough, Mark will dry them in the dehydrator. They get used as treats for the little girls, eaten on the sly by hungry teens, and sometimes they make it into the oatmeal for brekky.

Often, food is given to us. Several people have given us their Y2K stashes during the early 2000's. I babysit a little boy and his dad picks up food from the Gleaners organization. Last week he brought a bunch of food, along with a huge bag of mushrooms. I steamed them, then dried them. I used the broth from steaming for a fantastic home-made cream of mushroom soup.

We also will slaughter our own animals. I haven't had to buy meat for a couple of months, because we have plenty of goat, veal and chicken in the freezer. Kit found a goat that someone was giving away, so she butchered it herself and we got 65 lbs of meat from it for free. Someone else had a calf that was going down due to a genetic physical problem, so they gave it to us for free. Ron butchered that one. We also raised some cornish cross chicks that Kit got free from the fair, but to be honest, the feed cost more than they were worth. It would have been cheaper to buy them from Costco. They sure have a better flavor than chickens that are"mass produced" though.

Eggs are also cheap protein. It's worth having chickens if you can feed them on leftovers or let them free-range. Assuming they don't quit laying. A laying hen that is not laying is good for the crockpot. Too tough otherwise.

Snow Fun

Here in our corner of the North West, 40,000 customers had power out for the last couple of days due to ice storms. At 2am Sunday morning, our dog started barking, so Dh went to check things out. The power lines along the main road were arcing and the power went out. He filled up all the big jars he could find with water before the pressure went down.

Sunday morning we woke up to the whole world glittering in ice. Every leaf, every branch, every blade of grass was covered with ice. An oak tree fell across the fence into the front yard around 8 am, which is what got me out of bed. Since there are several large oak trees outside our bedroom, I decided that it was not a safe place to be, lol.

Ron, nearly 6 feet tall, next to a fallen branch off one of the big oak trees.

We were without power for 31 hours. No heat, no water (electric pump on our well). We camped out, boys in the living room and girls in the telly room. We slept in our clothes and sweaters, in sleeping bags with blankets. I'm so glad we have a gas stove! Nothing like nice hot soup in the cold! It got down to 49* in the house. Not bad for no heat. The kids started teasing me that I couldn't make coffee in my electric coffee pot, but I showed THEM! I got out my percolator stuff for my granite ware coffee pot and made a nice big pot.

We could hear the trees and branches breaking and coming down all night and all day. We lost around 20 trees. The boys said they could hear branches breaking once every 10 seconds while they were outside. They were out with the chainsaw a couple of times to clear the driveway and the fence line. Ralph Jr. said he was out there and had cleared a tree off the fence, and then decided it would be fun to run up the driveway. A big limb off a 120 ft. poplar fell right behind him, where he had been standing.


The sheep are well prepared for cold weather with their woolen sweaters.


Amazingly, our sheep and calves are safe. They are pastured in the wooded side of our property. The kids played games all day and we went to bed early. It was fun making potato latkes for the first night of Hanukkah in the dark with candles, lol.

Here is Mae going for a long trail ride on her mustang pony.

We had a package of bottled water, and Dh drained the hot water heater for washing dishes. I guess it was enough of an excuse to not wash, because the kitchen just Went To Pot after one meal. We used up all the dishes and all the spoons. Then we broke into the paper goods. Probably should have done that, first. I wasn't feeling well and stayed out of the kitchen, which was another mistake.



Dh and I and the girls went into town, today. There is about a foot of snow. Hardly any roads are plowed. None of the store workers thought of shoveling the sidewalks. It's kind of amusing how just a foot of snow really confounds NorthWesterners.

Lessons: Get a snow shovel. Get a big water cooler with a spigot. Keep natural beeswax candles on hand, the paraffin candles gave me a doozy of a headache, even though they were unscented. Keep paper goods on hand. Kick the boys out of the kitchen during emergencies.

On The Home Front

I've been pondering the metaphor of a woman and her home.

My home is as much a part of me and who I am, as a car and a job is to a man. You know, the beefy farmer type who drives around in a monstrous pickup. The slick ladies' man in sales who drives a sports car. Or the retired guy in a red Camero. Or a green, inner city musician who drives a Zap. ;)

I never felt "at home" in our McMansion. It was too impressive. My furniture looked out of place, like it was putting on airs. I liked it, but it never felt like my house, you know?

This house suits me well. It has good bones. It has enough bedrooms. It has plenty of room for the kids and our animals. Well, 10 acres would be nice, and a barn, but we're making it work. It's over 30 years old, though, and a bit dated. It needs some new paint, and some maintenance. The pipes are rotting through and need to be replaced. The kitchen is very dark. So is the entryway. Chimney needs work. The carpet really must go. There's beige carpet in the dining room and pink carpet throughout the rest of the house. We bought some laminate wood flooring at Costco on sale, but need to install it. The windows all need to be replaced. We've gotten one almost finished. The sprinklers in the yard don't work, so I can't plant anything. Keeping the garden watered was very difficult this summer. It either didn't get watered or I'd forget to turn the water off. In my mind I see a bubbling pond with gold fish, and roses and yarrow and butterfly bushes, and lots of pansies. But my eyes see a murky pond still not edged in rock, and weeds.

It depresses me to go into the kitchen and think of all the things that could be done to cheer it up and make it a happy place. The cabinets are sturdy, but so dark. The floor has a big hole in it covered with a non-matching piece of vinyl that is stapled down. It's got pink paint drips on it, and cuts and stains that won't mop out.

I don't like being in there.

It's not "me". It's not "cheerful".

(Can you tell I'm visual?)

Last night, Hubby and I were discussing whether we should tear out the old cabinets and put new ones in, and move the sink over here, and move the ovens over there, or just repaint the cupboards and call it good. We decided it would be best to just paint. I went to bed with visions of fresh white cupboards with little glass knobs dancing in my head, with walls painted sulfur yellow, and blue-and-white curtains in the window. A built-in island painted sage green, with a round sink in it and a butcher block top.

I woke up, well, cheered (more so after a cup of coffee and some yogurt).

I felt so happy just knowing that we would give the kitchen the attention that it needed to be it's best. It doesn't have to be somebody else's best, just its own.

And I realized that I need a little coat of paint here and there. I need some maintenance. I even need some renovation, but mostly I just need maintenance.

I yearn for paint in my kitchen because it feeds my soul. My soul wants to beautify where I live. Anywhere. Not just This House, but Any house I live in. It wants it's surroundings to express who I am. Maintaining my house in turn maintains my soul.

If my house is a disorganized mess, I feel disorganized and messy. If the house feels dark and cold, I feel dark and cold. If my house is neglected, I feel neglected.

I'm not saying that my house is my God. It's just a vehicle for my soul like a car or a job is a vehicle for a man's soul. A man in a dead-end, unfulfilled job is very dissatisfied. I think it's the same with a woman, only with her house. Just like our body is the vehicle for our spirit. They all need to be taken care of.

For three years I've been cooking under low cabinets. Just before Thanksgiving, Hubby and the boys installed the vent hood. What A Difference! It felt much like pain meds for a broken bone. I felt physically relieved.

How much is Creation God's vehicle? How much are We? And what kind of fuel do we need for our vehicles from God that we can't get from houses or cars? Is it really houses and cars or is it work? (My job as a woman is my home...)

Again

Ralph Sr. got laid off today.

They laid off 90 people. Most had never been laid off before. I feel bad for them, right before the holidays and all.

I feel kinda funny not being more upset. I am a little, I guess. It just feels like, "here we go again," or "back to the drawing board".

I know God has plans that are far bigger than what I can see or imagine.

Praise God. ;)

It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!

I went to Safeway to get more canning jars.

They didn't have any. They said canning season was OVER.

WHAT????

Our neighbor gave us three pumpkins. Here is one of them:


Here are the other two:



We've all been busy. It takes all day and then some to cook up that much pumpkin. I bought a huge tamale pot at the grocery store. It's rather like a double boiler in that it has a shelf with holes in it that rests on the bottom lip. We filled that part with water, brought it to a boil and then turned down to a gentle boil for several hours. It yields 3 or 4 large ziploc bags of pumpkin puree. We also baked some in the oven at 350 for a couple hours. We used all our lipped baking sheets and put a 9x13 dish on the bottom rack with water in it. All the kids have helped in this project. Kit, Mark, Ron and Keegan all helped cut, Sadie, Annie and Mae helped gut and while more was cooking. Then we scraped rinds, mashed and bagged it. We made 30 bags. Kit has made pumpkin soup twice now, Mmmmmm, it's good!



We found something strange in one pumpkin:



And we also found other uses for them before we cooked them:



Kit's Pumpkin Soup
serves 12 with leftovers for lunch

1 bag of pumpkin puree
3 onions, chopped
1 stick butter
1 quart milk
2 tsp Salt
1 tsp Pepper
2 cups chicken broth

Sautee onion in one stick of butter.
Add pumpkin. Heat to a boil. Add milk.
Add salt and pepper. Realize we have no
chicken broth. Substitute another stick
of butter for the chicken broth.

A Break-In

I've got a head cold. Sniffles. Achy. *sigh*

Today, two of the boys had orthodontist appointments. We go to one that's 45 minutes away, a lovely country drive, today, unfortunately, in the rain. I'm not quite thinking clearly, and didn't lock the house. Couldn't find my keys. But I did have one of the boys shut the gate. And with Toby, all 140 lbs of him, sprawled all over the front porch, I wasn't too worried about anyone getting into the house.

But when we got home several hours later, Toby was nowhere in sight.

Strange.

After getting caught in the electric fence, he has been kinda shy about getting out of the yard.

We all walked into the house, and there he was. Sprawled all over the living room floor.



Now, I need to explain something. I got up late. The boys made coffee cake for breakfast. Crumbs. All over. Then we had lunch, so we could get out the door at 1pm. Naturally, nobody vacuumed.

So here was Toby, in the house, and not a single crumb in sight. Toby sees big chunks of food, but he doesn't do too well with crumbs. But I'm telling you, it looked like someone had vacuumed.

Then I saw how Toby got in the house.

He had nosed the back sliding glass door open, just enough to get through.

Smart dog.

And then guess who came in and vacuumed? And left a calling card under the table?

I wish I could harness this kind of help.

I'm going to name her "Emilene".

;)

The County Fair

This is Kit with her goat, Emerald, which got Grand Champion in the 4H Dairy Goat Competition. Next is Snowman the Alpaca.

Here's our rag-tag 4H club, below. Ron, 13, is wearing a green shirt, Kit, 16, is the tall blonde, Keegan, 11, is wearing a blue shirt, and Ralph Sr. (aka Dad) is in the background. The lady in the pink shirt is our 4H leader and model for the grandmother in my illustration. The short animals are alpacas, and the tall one is a llama.

(I'm trying to figure out how these pics work)

Sounds Fishy To Me Aug 4, 2008

So I've been sick.

What's new, right?

The problem with being chronically ill (well, one of them, anyway) is that since you always feel bad, you don't always listen to your body and slow down if it's trying to tell you something. Because it's just saying the same thing over and over that it's been saying for the last 2 1/2 years...

So after a family camp out, a cross-country trip to Salt Lake City, going to the Fair for 4 days the morning after we got back, and then doing laundry and cleaning house for a week, I wiped myself out. (Do the math. 11 people, farm life, camping trip & fair, no laundry done for 10 days.)

I found out later a couple of the older kids and dh said they fought off a cold bug...

But I got pneumonia.

Well, that explains why I've had a bad headache for the last three weeks. Now that the fever broke, the headache is going away. Praise God. I'm so tired of being SICK!

So dh and I pulled up in the driveway, home from the doctor (MD) and the naturopath (ND). I have pills for my lungs, pills for my spleen, and colloidial silver for the infection. Kit and Mark met us before we got out of the car.

"We've been elected to tell you what happened before you go inside and see it for yourself."

We brace ourselves.

"Don't worry," (ha. Too late. I'm envisioning blood, guts and mayhem, but they don't seem *that* concerned. This means that something of *mine* got destroyed...) "We saved the fish."

SAVED THE FISH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

My fish tank.

30 gallons.

My antique dresser.

My carpeted dining room floor.

*sigh*

The guilty party met me at the door, sobbing. He offered to pay for it. He only has about $20. His brother, who was the accomplice in the fracas in which a toy metal ladder was thrown, offered to pay half. We had a little chat about why rough-housing is not allowed. Why listening to older brothers who are in charge is wise.

Ralph, Kit, and Mark did an awesome job cleaning it up. Shop vac. Towels. Dried off the dresser--it didn't seem to suffer any damage.

The fish are in the 10 gallon aquarium previously owned by the deceased hermit crab. The snails were all lost. The plants (which were actually worth more than the fish at this point) all survived. The dining room is all cattywampus with the fan going. Good thing the weather has been hot and dry.

My best towels smell slightly like pond water.

And I'm feeling better.

He Got The Job!!! August 1, 2008

Yay! Yahoo! Yipee!

It's computer support for a trucking company. It's a contract for 6 months. He starts on August 13, which is within two days of when he got laid off 7 years ago. It's in a town over an hour away, so he's going to stay with my parents during the week and come home on weekends. I am so thankful he got it!!

PRAISE GOD!!!


I have my own news, too. I just sent off the illustrations for a magazine article! I feel like Beatrix Potter in the movie, "Miss Potter", after she is accepted by the publisher and she gets in the carriage and says, "Drive through the park. Drive through ALL the parks! ....Faster, Saunders, faster!"

My illustrations will be in the Fall issue.

The magazine is "The Old School House Magazine", and can be seen online at: http://www.thehomeschoolmagazine.com/

Job Interview! July 25, 2008

Dh had a job interview yesterday.

The position is for computer support for a large trucking company.

He came home from the interview with hives. I know he was stressed out.

They called today, and said he was on the top of their list, that they were considering canceling their remaining interviewees. They said to expect a job offer on Monday or Tuesday.

I cried. It's been almost 7 years.

I am afraid to hope... yet I don't want to go back into the dark nightmare of unemployment.

Unemployment.

It's such a short, simple word.

Thoughts July 21, 2008

My dh and I went to Rachael's funeral. We drove out to Salt Lake City on Sunday. The funeral was on Monday. Pete and Corinne had a slide show of Rachael's life--what a silly, fun-loving girl she was!-- One of her older brothers and his wife sang a beautiful song. Pete read a poem he had written for her. All her brothers were pall-bearers. Oh! that made me cry, to see the little ones in their church clothes so seriously helping their big brothers carry their dead sister.

Early the first week of her accident, my dh told me God had given him a word that he felt he should share at her funeral if she died. So he got up and shared how we could all see how much Pete, as a father, loved Rachael. How he was grieving because she had died. How much more does our Heavenly Father love us? So much more than we can imagine. And how much did Corinne love Rachael? How much does a mother love her child? And how much more does God love us and care for us! And yet, God did not spare his only Son, but allowed him to be crucified and die so that we would have the hope of eternal life with him! That's how much he loves us! And if anyone had a new sense of how much God loves them, through seeing their love for Rachael, would they please tell Pete and Corinne.

All the extended family was there, they are all Mormon, or atheists. I was so proud of my dh for getting up in front of a room full of mostly strangers, and saying this. This was very much out of his character to do. Please pray for the extended family.

I thought a lot about how much Pete and Corinne and their family have suffered through this. Rachael didn't suffer at all, really, one minute she was riding her bike, and the next, she fell asleep. When she woke up, it was with angels on either side ushering her to her Savior. I thought of how much people in India are suffering. People in Ethiopia. Afghanistan. All the suffering is like sand at the seashore. Each time someone suffers anew, a new grain of sand is washed up on the shore.

And yet, the skuffering of Hell is like the depths of the ocean. All the sand on all the beaches in the world cannot fill up even one ocean-floor trench! It wouldn't even raise the sea level if it were all cast into the waves!

If one person is saved from Hell because of Rachael's death, the suffering of her family would not be in vain. Pete said, "If one of my family members escaped Hell, the suffering would be worth it."

And are we not all one human family?

Update for Rachael July 3, 2008

Rachael died last night. Please pray for her family. I am heartbroken for them.

Please pray for my friend... June 27, 2008

My dear friend, Corinne's, almost 13 year-old daughter, Rachael, was hit by a car on her bicycle. She is in a coma and her life hangs by a thread. Please see their Caring Bridge website and pray.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/rachaelkligmann/

Short Update June 22, 2008

After two years.. I think we've got this health thing figured out.

I have Hypoglycemia.

That's a fancy word meaning that I am actually not human, but a Hobbit.
Hobbits eat Breakfast, 2nd Breakfast, 11sies, Luncheon, Dinner, Supper, and Afternoon Tea :o) They are short and roundish (I'm getting there, I'm up to 110) and like to run around barefoot. Explains a lot, doesn't it?

Technically, my body is not able to handle sugar, any kind of sweetener, starch or even grain right now. BUT... I am feeling So Much Better eating veggies and fruit with protein or fats. The downside; cheese, ick. Eggs, ick. The upside, my Very Own fruit basket, steak instead of pizza, all the Apple and Avocado salad I want, and snacks every two hours.

I'm really glad to know that I'm actually a Hobbit. I wonder if I could convince Dh to put a round door on our house. Maybe fill in the back yard up to the house with dirt, so we could let the cows graze on the roof.

OH! YES! We got the dog! His name is Toby (Old Toby, see, what a great name for a Hobbit's dog). I swear this dog is perfect. He rarely barks. Generally only if he's sitting outside and we are inside and aren't letting him in. Or when he peed on the electric fence. He is huge. 140 lbs at least. All black, with a white spot on his chest. His coloring exactly matches one of the cats. He holds the floor down in whatever room I happen to be in. Generally right in the middle of traffic. He goes nuts when I come home from somewhere, and romps all over the front yard. The little girls lay all over him and climb on him. He doesn't drool, and I have no idea where he poops, cause it's not on the lawn and nobody has stepped in any. The neighbor dogs, Duke and Abby, yellow labs, have made friends with him. They came into our yard the other day and the male peed where Toby had peed. Made Duke bark, too. Here is Sadie giving him a drink on his first day home:



You caught that little tidbit about cows, didn't you? We are still deciding on names: T-bone, Hamburger and Stew, or Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner. (I'm thinking Elevensies, 2nd Breakfast and Afternoon Tea, but do you actually have beef with tea?) They are Jersey dairy bullocks, or, they *were*. They are eunics now. 16yo Kit learned how to band them. (She'll never have a problem with young men getting out of hand, if you know what I mean. She knows two ways to castrate animals, and can hold them down while doing it. Heheheheh. Dh won't even need his shotgun.) Anyway, they are the cutest little buggars. Just a week old and bottle fed. It's so cute seeing the boys out there feeding their little babies with these huge bottles. Wanna know how much they cost? One llama. Actually, we can have two more next year, too. Keegan feeding the calves:






Sadie is reading up a storm. She wrote a little report on her pet, and drew a very nice picture. "I have a snail. It is Slimy. I like to hold him."



Twins Annie and Mae spend much attention to the decorating of the front porch with their chalk. The big boys made a ramp kind of thing out of boards and pallets on top of tires and stuff, to ride their bikes on. It is now a fishing boat.

The kids are keeping busy while I eat. ;o)

There's a Dog-Sized Hole In Our Lives May 23, 2008

Someone is coming over tomorrow to show us a dog..... a Newfoundland/Black Lab mix. I am so excited! He's 3 years old.

I had to break it gently to my dh... we were at the bookstore getting coffee, and I picked up a dog breed book and showed him a Newfie (my favorite breed), and then flipped the page to the Black Labs. I said, "A mix of these two would be great. Short hair, not quite as big as a Newfie."

He said, "What? How do you know they have short hair? You know something. What are you saying?"

"Well, I found one on Craigslist. I've *Always Wanted* this mix! He'd be great! Remember Annie (our old Newf)? I think it'd be good for the boys to take care of, they want a dog. Dd wants one to go on walks with her."

He looked dubious. He saw the yearning in my eyes. Then he said, "Well, I don't know.... I'd rather have the dog than those geese...." A light bulb visibly appeared above his head. "You can have the dog if you Get Rid Of The Geese."

I kissed him right there in front of everybody. Several people grinned.

I knew those geese were worth something. I already found them a new home. heheheheheh

Hopefully he is as good a dog as he sounds. We'll see tomorrow.

The Dream May 2008

Back in February I decided to regroup and find new ways to tackle my health problems.

It started with a very vivid dream. I dreamed that I was very sad for something, and I was trying to remember what it was. Finally I realized that I had had a baby girl several years before, and couldn't keep her, and had to give her up for adoption. I tracked her down and found that she had been adopted by a nice Christian family, but of course she wouldn't remember me, and to take her back would have disrupted her life. They had named her "Abigail".

When I woke up from the dream, I realized that when we were going through the process of adopting a girl from China back in 2000-01, we had picked out the name "Abigail" for her.

Dh lost his job just as our dossier was next in line for a match. We had a new baby girl a few months later, struggled through unemployment for ... well, still. Life went on at breakneck speed. I never grieved.
I wandered around all that day, feeling numb and overwhelmed. In the afternoon, I went up to my room, shut the door, and sobbed into my pillow. Tears of loss, tears of frustration. I was comforted by the thought of Abigail being adopted by another family. I don't think I'll ever understand all the "why?" questions.

I decided to find a counselor. I had no idea where to find one, other than looking online. "Oh, God, please help me find one that's not a lulu!" I searched my city and Christian Counseling.. picked one and made an appointment. When she asked me how many children I had, her response was not what I feared.. "oh, no wonder you are exhausted, you have so many children!" It was, rather, "How nice! I come from a family of 9, too!" She went on about how her goal is to apply scripture with an understanding of how human nature works. She's been great. I'm learning how to communicate with dh, and how to find where I'm hurt and what I'm protecting when I get angry.

Dh started going with me, too. And that's all I'm gonna say about *that*! ;) It's been very good.

Who Is She? Feb 20, 2008

I saw a woman this morning. She is old. And sad. Her eyes are sunken, with wrinkles around them, as if her eyeballs are too heavy for her skin. Her hair is unruly and needs to be combed, or Curly-Girled, or something. Her shoulders are bowed. She looks like she doesn't care. She looks so tired. I didn't recognize her.

She lives in my mirror.

You know, it wasn't that long ago that a teenager came to my door and asked if my mother was home. Less than 10 years. In fact, less than 4 years ago, a woman came to my door and wouldn't believe that I *was* the mom. "You're not the mom!" she exclaimed. "Yes, I'm the mom," I said. "NO! You're NOT the mom!" "Yes, I am the MOM!" I had to round up all the kids and get the babies to show them to her. She nearly forgot why she knocked at my door.

A couple of weeks ago, someone guessed my age. Now people have been guessing my age ever since I can remember, and they always guess at least 5 years too young. Seriously, when I was in the 3rd grade, someone thought I was in Kindergarten. When I was in 8th grade, back when there were Jr. High Schools instead of Middle Schools, a 7th grader thought I was there visiting my mom. When I was 29 and pregnant with my third baby, someone thought I was a college student. This time, the person guessed I was 48. I was shocked! I am 43.

Thus the study in the mirror.

So what I want to know is, why, in the last 6 years, have I aged from looking 32 to 48?

I want to explore this. To find healing, and to find rest. And to find peace.